#justice for sams blurry wife

[wellofdean]

Why do you hate Jared?

Short answer: I don't. I don't know him, and I've never said anything to suggest that I have any particular animus towards him.

Longer answer: I suppose I've received this ask because of this post. In which I said that Sam's end felt like a proper end, and Dean's didn't which is why it's fine with me that he's not relevant on The Winchesters.

Sam's end was bad -- it erased his journey of embracing hunting, and his life with his weird shrine to Dean / moving-on montage and blurry wife were unsatisfying, but he basically died loved, and went to heaven. Fine. The end. I don't particularly miss him, I don't feel like he was robbed of story justice in the way Dean was, and I don't have any strong feelings about his coming back on The Winchesters. I'll be glad to see him if he does, and I'll be just fine with it if he doesn't.

The only thing I can say further about Jared is that I think his performance got more and more perfunctory as the show went on. He seemed, sometimes, like he really just was phoning it in, and I think his performance meant that I just didn't really feel as invested in his character as I was in others. He was ok. He was Dean's brother. Dean loved him, so I cared about him, too. The problem for Jared is that he was acting opposite Jensen, who always played Dean with full commitment, and like getting Dean right was personally important to him. Turns out it was, hence The Winchesters.

So, bottom line? I don't hate Jared. I'm indifferent.

[destiel-is-canon-bitches]

Ok but the poetic justice of the fact that Dean died because of the ending the writers forced themselves into. Dean's logical narrative conclusion, what they had been building to, would've been to tell Cas he's in love with him. They couldn't offer Dean a blurry wife like Sam got, because of how clearly the narrative had set him up to be with Cas. But they also didn't want to have Cas in the final episode because Dean would've TOLD CAS HE LOVED HIM. That is where the story would have led, the story THEY wrote. The very fact that they killed off Dean is implicative of the fact that he reciprocated Cas's feelings. So yeah, Destiel IS canon

[destieldrabblesdaily]

I seriously hated everything about the ending of supernatural but I get that maybe it would have been fan service if we got everything we wanted?

Hii there! :)

Err, you know, fanservice, there’s something to say about that. Of course it’s not exciting, already knowing how a show is going to end. Of course writers want to entertain and surprise, I get that. Also, when a TV show ends, not everyone will get their way, and I also get that. 

I think the problem is that SPN missed every point that there was to make, and that is the whole problem. There were so many ways they could have ended it, but they did all of their characters wrong.

You were a Cas fan? He sacrificed himself and didn’t even make the final episode (in which Dean died anyway after his love confession), and was basically ignored even though he was a fan favorite character who has been on this show for 12 years.

You were a Dean fan? He died in the most stupid and illogical way possible after all of those years of helping people, and with that sending out the message; Life sucks and then you die. 

You were a Sam fan? He had to live the rest of his life grieving his brother. And then there’s the fact that the entire Sam/Eileen storyline they were building was completely ignored. We joke about Sam’s blurry wife (and I can also laugh about it, now that it’s all over), but why not at least show clearly that /she/ was there with him, supporting him in al this. 

Not to mention all of the other popular characters that were so important to the show that never made a final appearance or weren’t mentioned again. 

So like I said; 15 years of found family, friends, and story lines; it all went down the drain. They didn’t fuck up something, they fucked up /all the things/. The only thing they left were loose ends.

And the thing is, a lot of shows do that these days, so let me tell you, it’s not creative anymore. It’s not inventive. Hell, these days I am more surprised when a show doesn’t let everything end badly or kills off characters for shock value, so no worries there if you want to surprise me. 

But most of al, so many stories that should have been tied up, so many characters that should have been done justice, not just Destiel. And after 15 years, I don’t think that should be considered fanservice. :p 

[postmodernmulticoloredcloak]

So I watched 10.09 recently, and it has that part where Dean tells a story about him basically being almost roofied as a teen, but somehow it ends up framed as the funny joke and yet another proof that John "did what he could", and I kind of hate this? And it's the same episode in which MoC!Dean killed guys that kidnapped and tried to rape Claire, and you'd think writers would've addressed the parallels and acknowledge that Dean could've been triggered by this situation. 1/2

2/2 But in the end, it's never addressed, and the whole situation is framed as the proof that Dean is evil now. And I'm not even sure what I am trying to say, but with that being the show's approach back in s10, I'm not surprised about the finale anymore. Guess we should've known?

That’s an excellent angle to look at the issue because the Mark of Cain arc is a clear example of how people with different experiences will see the same thing in wildly different ways. There’s this phase of season 10 where everyone is like “oh no Dean is Getting Worse” and when you look at what Dean is doing... you actually go “...good for him”.

Let’s give Caesar what belongs to Caesar. It’s not “the writers” in this case, it’s Dabb. Plenty of other writers don’t fall into this John apologism thing. Just look at how the episode before Lebanon, written by Buckner and Ross Leming, says that sometimes John would temporarily kick Dean out because he was “pissed at him” despite Dean always taking his side to mantain the peace. It almost seems like a statement to sprinkle some salt given what Dabb does in Lebanon, you know? Maybe not, but there is a tension between “John was shitty” writers and “John did his best” writers.

In hindsight, we gave Dabb too much of the benefit of the doubt. We were like, weeell, that’s supposed to be way the characters perceive the truth, which is distorted by the trauma... But now it’s obvious that he truly believed in the John-did-his-best version. He brought him back and got Mary back with him. No matter what happened to the finale, the network didn’t print those pictures of John and Mary to hang on Sam’s wall. He never took Dean’s abuse seriously and it shows.

The “anedocte” of Dean getting drugged and “saved” by John from being raped is obviously there to parallel him with Claire. Which works! It’s so weird because it’s like. You are soooo close to getting the point. Younger Dean was assaulted just like this teenage girl is assaulted and Dean saves her... but apparently John yelling at those people is a good way of dealing with the issue, while murdering child traffickers is an overraction thus bad.

That’s the problem, isn’t it? That Dean’s murder spree is framed as an overreaction. Sam is like “tell me you had to do this! tell me it was you or them!” - the answer to which (by the narrative) is obviously no, it wasn’t self defense, he just killed them because he could. He just murdered those men for no reason except he felt like being murdery. And the audience is supposed to be like “oh no! Dean is murdery for no reason except for murderiness! That’s bad!”.

But it’s a power fantasy, isn’t it? Going on a murder spree on rapists and traffickers. I bet any people who’s been violated like that has fantasized of doing the exact thing Dean does here. Killing them all.

Dean had the physical strength and skill to kill them all, why shouldn’t he kill them? (I mean, in real life I���m against private justice because I’m a fan of the state of law, but the Supernatural universe obviously works on different principles than the state of law. Again, it’s a fictional narrative that plays out as a fantasy for the audience, so.)

So what was Dabb’s intention? I’m afraid it’s the worst one. “John Winchester’s not going to win any Number One Dad awards, you know? But, you know, damn if he wasn’t there when we needed him”. What the fuck, Dabb? It’s been established since season 1 that John WASN’T there when they needed him. Which... I’m afraid... leads us to the Cas-Claire plot in the episode. Cas has fucked off with Jimmy’s body leaving Claire on her own. Parallels how John wasn’t going to win wny Number One Dad awards. But! Cas is there when Claire Really Needs Him i.e. when she’s about to be raped by older men. Parallels how John was there when Dean Really Needed Him i.e. when he was about to be raped by older men.

I think the point is to say, Cas kinda sucked because he took Claire’s dad away but hey! He’s actually a good figure for Claire because he gets there in time to prevent her from being raped. Just like (ew) John kinda sucked as a father because hunting and stuff, but hey! He’s actually a good figure for Dean because he got there in time to prevent him from being raped.

It’s pretty yucky. Literally NOBODY wanted a parallel between Cas and John. But he made one. And he made one to absolve Cas from the guilt he carried for what he did to Claire (Claire’s mother is a mother so who fucking cares about her. She’s basically a Blurry Wife(TM), she’s only a tool for Claire’s arc, Cas apparently only cares about the harm he did the child, not the wife, for some reason.) and to absolve Cas from his guilt it absolves John too. Don’t worry, being a parent is hard. You often screw up. But you can *looks at smudged writing on hand* prevent the kid from being raped by predatory adults and everything’s fine now.

It’s not really important if the child suffered hunger or whatever, the only important thing is that they don’t get raped, because that’s bad, everything else is just a little detail.

All Dabb got with that scene was to paint Sam as extremely unsympathetic because he’s no longer a child, he’s a full adult now and still thinks of that episode at the CBGB as a funny story. That’s not a good look. It almost makes you think that the writer himself saw it as a funny story. Lol teenage boy biting more than he can chew. But then why the Claire parallel? The Claire scene onviously is not supposed to be anything but horrific. I'll give Dabb the benefit of the doubt on this specific thing.

It’s weird, yes, because Dabb wrote Dark Side of the Moon where he establishes that John was a bad husband/father even before tragedy hit the family. But apparently that’s the “not going to win any Number One Dad awards” part, I suppose? I guess he intended to write John as this flawed, ~complex~ figure who was imperfect but still brave and whatever blah blah did his best blah blah. I’m all for flawed complicated characters but a horrible father is a horrible father. A rose by any other name... parental abuse is still parental abuse even if the poor guy was complicated and traumatized and did what he thought he had to do to prepare his sons for a violent world.

Also, the story frames Dean’s escapade as a teenager being stupid. “You know what he got for that? Me whining about how much he embarrassed me. Me telling him that I hated him. But then he stopped and turned around looked at me and said, Son, you don’t like me? That’s fine. It’s not my job to be liked.” “It’s my job to raise you right.” This seems straight from a novel about teenagers doing something stupid that they’re too young to realize that their parents are right to be against them doing. But this isn’t just... a parent walking into a bar to stop their child to drink alcohol. Dean literally describes feeling sick from something that was inside the alcohol.

Sure, it makes sense that he’d lash out to John because of the shame and shock. But the scene is... off. Are we supposed to see this as a typical teenage mistake? Are we supposed to read it as something as horrific as what happened to Claire, literally sold into rape? Or, worse, are we supposed to see what happened to Claire as a teenage mistake, ah silly teenager, blindly trusting shady people, no wonder you end up in a situation where you’d get raped if a father figure didn’t sweep in and save you. I hope that wasn’t the intent.

To get back to Dean’s Mark-of-Cain violence, the writers clearly didn’t intend it to come from the Darkness up to a certain point. It was supposed to an arc about your own inner darkness (consider the Charlie episode, a couple episodes later). Then they came up with the idea of The(TM) Darkness, the suppressed cosmic feminine. While it caused a bit of dissonance in the subtext, it doesn’t really change Dean’s narrative, because his inner darkness is the trauma, and his trauma is inherebtly tied to the “feminine” i.e. the parts of him that don’t fit seamlessly into the scheme of toxic masculinity values. That the violence that comes from the Mark of Cain comes from Dean himself and that’s it, or is connected to the Darkness, it doesn’t change what it means for Dean. Dean and Amara have parallel histories, the feminine principle locked away, the trauma the anger stems from.

In 10x09 we’re still in the Before The (TM) Darkness era, before the suppressed cosmic feminine. The Mark of Cain arc is still about... well, Cain. But the shift is the signal that someone looked at Dean’s arc and said... you know what? “Lucifer gave me this curse so now I’m demonic and murdery” is meh. “Toxic masculinity suppresses the feminine and it creates trauma which rage and violence comes from” is more interesting. I don’t know whose idea it was, but it was a good idea, and surely the idea came from seeing how Dean’s MoC narrative was unfolding.

Dean’s MoC narrative was unfolding in a certain way, in fact, because of a pretty simple reason. There’s a fundamental tension in Dean’s MoC arc. We want him to go murdery, but it’s also our main character, so we don’t want him to do really horrible things because he still needs to be relatable. The audience cannot hate him, so he must NOT do something entirely unforgivable. He still needs to be somewhat relatable, even when demonic or demonic-adjacent.

So he goes on a murder spree... but it’s rapists and child traffickers. He’s demon, but he kills a misogynistic dude that wanted his wife dead for cheating on him. He’s a demon, but beats up dudes that harass women. He does a slaughter, but they’re nazi. He’s off the deep end, but works a case of kidnapped and abused young women...

Speaking of which. 10x23, written by Jeremy Carver. Dean works a case where a girl was killed while dressed scantily and Dean makes some slut-shaming remarks, and we’re supposed to think “whoa Dean, that’s bad”. But later he confronts the girl’s father and what does he say?

I’m just doing my job, Mr. McKinley.

By suggesting my daughter was a slut?

I’ll admit that thought crossed my mind. Then I came here, and I smelled the deceit and the beatings and the shame that pervade this home.

You shut your face right now.

And you know what? I don’t blame Rose anymore. No wonder she put on that skank outfit and went out there looking for validation, right into the arms of the monster that killed her.

Back then the episode was super controversial and everyone hated the case because of the apparent slut-shaming but I loved it! Because it’s not about the girl. It’s about Dean. Dean doesn’t think that a girl gets killed because she dresses in a miniskirt so it’s her fault. Dean is projecting on himself and he’s not actually victim blaming the girl, he’s victim blaming himself. And when he absolves the girl by putting the blame on the father... well, subtextually he’s absolving himself by putting the blame on his father. On the deceit and the beatings and the shame that pervaded his own home. He’s textually not ready to absolve himself, of course, he summons Death to ask him to kill him later, but subtextually he’s on the right path.

Rose McKinley basically did the same mistake Dean did at the CBGB when he trusted some older people who offered him drinks and the same mistake Claire did when she trusted a man who sold her for money because he offered him a place and stability. She trusted the wrong people (in this case, vampires, which adds the whole subtext of vampires and sexuality) who took advantage of her. Except Rose had no one to save her. (Her friend, Crystal, gets rescued by Dean, even if he causes the other hunter Rudy to die in the process.)

Carver’s writing is pretty brutal. The girl made that mistake because was abused at home, so she was desperate for validation and that desperation drove her into the wrong hands. (Rose even has a brother who blames himself for bringing her sister to her future murderers, destructive sibling relationship check.) It doesn’t actually even matter if Dean guessed right about Rose’s family situation, because what matters is what it tells us about Dean. He basically relates to a dead abused girl. Actually all through the season Dean is paralleled to “skanks” “sluts” and sex workers. Obviously this happens kinda all through the show, the whole “the business is based on absent fathers” thing happened much earlier in the story, so it’s not new. But s10 draws a picture of female suffering - abuse, manipulation and death. Season 10 was difficult to go through. In hindsight, it was probably on purpose because it was supposed to be darkest hour of the feminine. Summed with some good old fashioned misogyny, but hey.

The Carver era was wonky but Carver wanted to free the feminine. (I believe that Mary’s comeback, while written by Dabb because of the showrunner shift, was planned before the showrunner shift.) We thought the Dabb era wanted the same, with Mary choosing life and Amara being independent and so on, but it evidently wasn’t the case. Not a single woman arrives at end of the story. It’s hardly ~Bucklemming or ~the network or ~covid because it starts before the very end.

I’m not saying that dead sluts are more feminist than living women, but if the women die or disappear anyway (and they did) I’d rather have an exploration of trauma than nothing. And I definitely prefer a dead slut narrative that calls out parental abuse than a narrative where women live but abuse gets the you-did-your-best treatment.

Whoops! I digressed! But feel free to ask for any clarification or send me any observation or thought.

[trials-era-sam]

sam ask – 5, 7, 8, 13, 27, 30!

Thank you for the ask Naila!!! <333

5. Best and worst hair?

This one is SO easy. Best - S9. Any other opinions are just wrong. I mean just look at him.

Worst is late s15. Look how they massacred my boy :(((

7. Your take on blurry wife?

I care about her about as much as the person directing that scene did :))) Sure it'd be cool if it was someone we knew, but eh. At the end of the day, it didn’t matter who Sam was married (and yes, he was, I know some people like to pretend he wasn’t but he had a wedding ring) to - what mattered is that Sam managed to have a normal life and a legacy, found someone who probably made him happy, and ended up at peace - getting back to the person he loved most. Speaking of -

8. Your opinion on Sam’s relationship with Dean?

IT’S THE SHOW IT’S THE SHOWWWWWW

Was it perfect? Oh hell no. Would I have kept watching without it? Oh hell no :) There’s nothing like it on TV. It was entrancing and horrible and amazing and I loved every second of it and no matter how much of it we got it would have never been enough. <333 And I don’t even know what else to say because I could never, never do it justice. I feel like my blog speaks for itself 😆

13. Sam & Mary or Sam & John?

While I was interested in any Sam’n’Mary crumbs the show cared to give us, ultimately I’m always gonna answer Sam and John. I remember watching the very first episodes for the very first time and already being obsessed with their relationship, and weirdly enough, loving the scenes of them fighting haha So much passion in there!!! You can tell how much they love each other when they fight!!! Aaaah it’s all heartbreaking and amazing 🥲 And then there was Lebanon, with its great resolution and Jared and JDM’s amazing acting <3

(also I can tell you from experience - maybe don’t watch the 5x13 Sam and John scene if you’ve recently lost your dad. Suuuper painful. :/)

27. Your take on Bobby’s treatment of Sam?

I’m not gonna be as critical as some other Sam fans - I do think Bobby did the best he could. He tried to keep Sam alive in 4x21 when Dean was saying “at least he dies human” and then couldn’t shoot him; told him how proud he was of him in s10; overcame his vengeful-spiritness in s7 to not kill him, and so on.

That being said - yeah, the double standards and Dean being Bobby’s favorite? As a Sam girl, can’t say I loved that. :/ So I do think his treatment of him was a bit unfair at times. I do think he should never have said Dean was his favorite, because I don’t think he should have had a favorite.

But at the end of the day, Bobby mattered enough to Sam to be the one representing the part of him who respected his wishes in 9x01. And hey, that’s good enough for me.

30. Which character(s) deserve(s) to rot in hell for crimes against Sam?

Another obvious one!!!

And the great news is that he did, for ages lol

(But you know, you can add Toni, Cole, Chuck, Corbin... the list goes on. ;p)

[dovand]

some of my favorite answers to my spn uquiz

I wish I could explain my complex destiel feelings

SUPERNATURAL IS THE WORST YET BEST SHOW EVER AND I HATE THAT

Can PTSD be caused by TV show? I think I need therapy

with every passing day the spn finale fills me with more and more rage. the negative emotion i feel towards it is literally indescribable

That fuckin danglers and tacos series of tweets haunts me I don't know if I'll recover from that

justice for the blurry wife

carving rhyming couplets about the color of his eyes under the loose floorbard in your room, praying on your knees for forgiveness under the halo of the neon gods, blessing children with incurable illness and killing all the evil under the moon

EVERY OTHER TIME CAS WENT MISSING DEAN WENT FERAL AND THEY JUST. FORGOT. ABOUT HIM. I CAN'T STOP SCREAMING.

bro i just want some gay representation i am so tired of the bury your gays trope

I’m not good at writing but I know for sure there should’ve been a destiel kiss or a F*CKING WEDDING!!!!

yes hi i have no fucking clue what spn is, i just want a show to watch. i am an outsider looking into a chaotic mosaic and laughing. also what the fuck that is the worst way to end a fucking show jesus goddamn christ on a damn hockey stick, im so sorry this happened to your show.

bro I have eldest daughter syndrome so take a wild guess which character I relate to most. Lmao it’s actually both Dean AND Cas so I’m suffering

what if when cas and dean retire they (or at least cas) learn how to bake and open a bakery and pies are his specialty. this has probably been thought of a million times but whatever lol

oh my god the finale sucked so muuuuuch.

I wanted to see cas raw dean in the back of the Impala

My four-year-old niece could have written a better finale and that's the real tea.

Still beautiful; Still Fandom ie found family

Cas makes my heart go úwù

Why did every main cast member have to be a white man? Where's the diversity? The taste?

bro hamlet and horatio didn’t deserve the end they got, but at least it fit the story. Dean and Cas didn’t even get that lmao

I baked gingerbread cookies shaped like Sam, Dean, and Cas.

[lealala63]

Sam Winchester deserved better than a shitty wig and blurry wife. The whole montage was fucking embarrassing. I was just sitting there, hands over my face, watching it going "oh nooooo.. they are NOT really doing THIS.. WTF." Like I haven't been that embarrassed watching SPN since the big marionette puppet fight scene between Michael!Dean and Lucifer. It was excruciating. I cannot believe Jared (or anyone) actually liked it and thought it was GOOD.

I agree!

Even though I didn't like the episode, I was crying (let's be honest, the middle was very emotional), but seeing Jared in THAT wig made me laugh uncontrollably! The whole montage was so bad. Most of the fans on youtube would do a better one.

Idk, it didn't do the characters justice. Don't get me started on Eileen, she also deserved so much more! Why she wasn't there. I didn't care that much about Sam's son. He was there for like 2 minutes??

I guess those who liked the ending had to be manipulated into liking it. No other explanation here.

[hms-chill]

RWRB Study Guide: Chapter 14

Hi y’all! I’m going through Casey McQuiston’s Red, White & Royal Blue and defining/explaining references! Feel free to follow along, or block the tag #rwrbStudyGuide if you’re not interested!

Jezebel (359): Jezebel calls itself “a supposedly feminist website”; they are a blog geared toward women

Dykes on Bikes (359): Dykes on Bikes is a philanthropic organization focused on building community of women motorcyclists and supporting LGBT+ organizations.

Westboro Baptist Church (359): A church famous for being homophobic and doing pretty much exactly what Jesus said not to do.

Pennsylvania Avenue (359): The street that the White House is on.

Green (359): Someone who’s green is fresh or young and naive 

The House (360): The House of Representatives is one of two branches of Congress.

Speaker (360): The Speaker of the House is the presiding officer of the House of Representatives. 

X-wings (360): The ships flown by rebel pilots in the original Star Wars movies.

Vogue (360): Vogue is one of the biggest fashion magazines in the US.

Decathlon (361): A track event composed of ten different events.

Oval Room (362): The White House’s Yellow Oval Room is on the south side of the White House’s second floor; it has been used as a library, study, and reception room.

Bluebonnet (362): The state flower of Texas; they bloom all along the roadways in the spring.

Barracuda (362): A Barracuda is a large, predatory fish known for being ferocious. It is also a 1977 song by rock band Heart.

Keds (362): A brand of classy sneakers.

Resolute Desk (362): The president’s desk in the Oval Office.

“Four, on the other couch: Alex, counting” (362): You know what Alex does to calm down when he’s in minor panic mode? He makes lists.

Oval Office (363): The president’s office.

Sockpuppet account (364): An account that isn’t linked to a real person.

RNC (364): The Republican National Committee, the committee that leads the conservative American political party.

Not paying for Bigfoot sightings (365): A reference to the fact that most photos of Bigfoot are blurry or indistinct.

Subpoena (365): A document that demands that someone present evidence to a court.

Red Bull (366): An energy drink.

Weed gummy (366): A gummy with marijuana in it, often used to help someone calm down.

Five Guys (367): Five Guys Burgers and Fries is a popular burger/fry place.

A1 Sauce (367): A type of steak sauce.

“Bills, Bills, Bills” (367): A very popular Destiny’s Child song complaining about a man who refuses to work/do his part in the relationship. (listen here)

NYU (368): New York University

Casper Mattresses (369): A mattress brand that often sponsors episodes of podcasts.

Diplomatic Reception Room (370): A room used to receive foreign diplomats on the south side of the White House (just below the Oval Room).

Fireside chats (370): A series of radio talks from president Franklin Delano Roosevelt from 1933-1944. He spoke directly to the American people with familiarity, explaining his policies and the course of WWII.

October 2 (371): The Bill of Rights was first sent to the US states on October 2nd, 1789. The Twilight Zone premiered on October 2nd, 1959. Thurgood Marshall was sworn in as the first African American supreme court justice on October 2nd, 1967.

Purple silk (372): Purple was historically the color of royalty, as purple dye was the most expensive.

American Dream (373): The idea that if someone works hard enough in America, they can succeed.

Jack loved Jackie (374): John Franklin “Jack” Kennedy and his wife, Jackie Kennedy.

Lyndon loved Lady Bird (374): Lyndon B Johnson (who Lake LBJ is named for) and Lady Bird Johnson were a president and first lady.

Inauguration Day (375): The day in January when the new president is sworn in and officially takes office.

Mall (375): The National Mall is a park in DC between the Lincoln and Washington monuments. It’s where MLK’s March on Washington ended.

Sam the Eagle (375): Sam Eagle is a muppet known for his extreme patriotism.

AG (377): Attorney General, the head of the department of justice.

Undocumented (378): Someone who is undocumented is in the US without the appropriate documentation and is at risk of being deported if they are discovered.

Nicotine patch (381): A patch that provides people with nicotine, used to help quit smoking.

Queen’s Bedroom (383): A room on the second floor of the White House, formerly known as the rose room. It’s almost entirely light pink.

——

We’re so close! If there’s anything I missed or that you’d like more on, please let me know! And if you’d like to/are able, please consider buying me a ko-fi? I know not everyone can, and that’s fine, but these things take a lot of time/work and I’d really appreciate it!

—–-

Chapter 1 // Chapter 13 // Chapter 15

[huntertales]

I Don’t Need Saving | Chapter Two.

Pairing: Superhero!Dean Winchester x Journalist!Reader

Word Count: 3,369.

Warning: Slight mention of violence.

Summary: To friends and family he’s known as Dean Winchester, at night he transforms into the Red Hood. The vigilante of the city beating up criminals and saving damsels from danger. Nobody has seen his face, nobody knows his true identity. Except for a few helpful allies. The reader is best friends with Dean for long as she can remember, and head over heels in love with the man. But she doesn’t have mutual feelings for the Red Hood.

However an encounter with the vigilante starts to change her opinion on the hero, and soon, she grows a fascination with him. Somehow she finds herself growing a strange friendship with the vigilante she once was supposed to hate, not realizing it’s someone she knew. Dean, hiding behind the mask of the Red Hood, shows his true feelings for the reader in disguise. Little do they realize both of them are holding a secret from each other that will put them in danger.

*Based upon Jensen Ackles as The Red Hood.

Previous Chapter | Story Masterlist

A/N: I’ll admit this chapter is kind of...meh. Mostly backstory and stuff, promise the next one is gonna be better/more focused on the plot!

The Red Hood was called many different names over the years since the masked stranger had seemed to come out of nowhere in attempt to make the city he lived in a safer place. Criminal, psychopath, murderer. A vigilante with a death wish. Some even went far as to call him a hero. Dean thought the title was a bit pretentious and far fetched. He was just some guy wanting to do his part to help the common folk and make the lives for the police a little easier. It took some experimenting and what he was willing to do to accomplish his goals, but he found a way.

During the day he was known as Dean Winchester; second generation private investigator and one of two employees at “Winchester Investigations." The company name was always a conversation starter for clients to try and break the awkward tension for the reason why they were seeking his help. The man would always crack a friendly smile and tell them about how his father was the one who started this. While his father didn’t put too much thought into the name, Dean liked to say it was because the effort and attention were put into finding answers to the problems they came to him for. It worked like a charm every time.

Dean had to admit that being a private detective wasn't what he thought it was going to be. His father drilled it into the back of his head that he was going to run the family business when he grew up. And ever since Dean was little he wanted to do just that. He wanted to be exactly like his old man. His childhood hero that wasn’t around a lot. Dean blamed it on the big and scary crimes his father was solving out in the city. But it wasn’t all that bad. Dean and his little brother spent most of their time after school and into the early evenings at the Singer household where they would get a home cooked meal and to play with you for hours, pretending to solve crimes like the ones you saw on Scooby Doo.

Dean realized that he created a fantasy in his head about how life was going to go. He thought the family business was going to be him, his little brother and you. His father could retire and put what started all of this to bed. Maybe he could find some sort of closure and live a somewhat happy life. But that wasn’t what happened.

Sam decided that he wanted to go into law and you still followed the crime, but you wanted to write about it. So Dean was left all by himself to help solve cases of rich spouses trying to get dirt on their partners and tracking down people who went missing a decade ago. The cases weren't great. And it sure wasn't what his five year old self thought when he wanted to beat the bad guy and save the day. They kept a roof over his head. And then there were cases that he couldn't solve...but the Red Hood could. He felt like he became the person he aspired to be when he was younger.

The death of his mother wasn’t just the reason why Dean became the Red Hood. It came about in a way that made him feel guilty to this very day for what he couldn’t stop...what he let happen after agreeing to a case that sounded like it was just a husband looking for his mentally ill wife, or as he claimed she was. After taking that case and discovering the truth it made Dean realize that those old cartoons be used to watch as a kid lied to him. The monster he was supposed to be looking for didn’t wear scary masks. They wore friendly smiles and offered you an alarming sum of money to get what they want. It could be the sketchy looking man he passed on the street trying to find the right victim to mug at knife point. Anyone was capable of doing the worst things to get what they desired, no matter the price they or others needed to pay. It was human nature. But there was also compassion in a time of crisis and wrongdoing, a need for justice to put the wrong behind bars. Sometimes the cops were able to do the job they signed up for, sometimes they were stuck behind the red tape to help people. There was so many different reasons why they couldn’t help a victim get justice. Not enough evidence, they might not have gotten in there on time. Maybe they disappeared into the wind without a trace, never to be seen again. Sort like his mother’s killer. But not when the Red Hood was around. He made sure those got what they deserved. It started with Dean roaming around the streets in a zip up sweatshirt with the hood up to cover his face. His head down as he aimlessly wandered the city looking for someone to save. To hear a cry for help others would ignore. For a short while Dean thought it was all in vain and guilt for trying to make up for the mistakes he made, but it wasn’t. He lost count the first year how many people he saved from being mugged and poor women harassed by creeps on the streets. While it felt good to make the world a little less dangerous of a place, he soon realized that he couldn’t do it alone. Like every good hero there was a trusty sidekick behind them to count on when they needed it the most and to lend a helping hand. And for the Red Hood/Dean, it was his best friend Charlie Bradbury. It was sort of an accident of how she got to learn his secret when people only thought of him as a bystander trying to do the right thing in a time of someone’s need. Charlie needed helped that night, and at the end of it, so did Dean.

The redhead was walking home one night after working late on a big project she’d been heavily invested in and told by her boss, Dick—his name matching his personality—that needed to be taken care of by the end of the week. There was a security virus in the security system that posed a possible problem. It was Charlie’s job as part of the I.T. department to fix it. She worked well after her coworkers left for the night. She stayed behind, burning the midnight oil, and trying to figure out what the problem was. There was an opening she wanted. And if she didn’t want to end up on the streets, she needed to figure out the issues before the deadline. Charlie called it quits when her vision started to grow blurry and her eyelids heavy.

Charlie never liked to wander out this last at night and far away from her neighborhood where she knew mostly everyone. She lived a decent walking distance from her workplace and would often enjoy the city's scenery during the warmer seasons and early autumn to and from work. Because most of the time when she left there was still a decent amount of people out. When she stepped out of work that night there seemed to have been almost no soul around, making Charlie feel a little on edge. Because while she was walking home she felt the sense like she was being followed. It was one of the those nights that she mentally wished she spared a few bucks to grab a cab home. She brushed it off thinking that she was just being paranoid.

But she had to find out the hard way that she wasn't be paranoid at all. One block she was walking down the street with her earbuds in and minding her own business, and the next one she turned to continue her route to her apartment was when disaster struck. She felt someone grab a hold of her by the arm and pull her into an alley, shoving her against a brick wall and a knife into her face. The man that was twice her size demanded her to give up all her valuable possessions. Charlie made the mistake of trying to scream for help, but it only ended with the man putting the knife dangerously close to her throat.

Charlie thought Lady Luck wasn't on her side that night. Of all the times she had to be mugged it had to be when she was carrying home her work laptop that was worth more than her rent and stupidly walking around with most of her paycheck in bills she had every intention of depositing into her bank account tomorrow. But it seemed she would never get the chance after tonight. She’d be out a couple hundred bucks and a job after she tried to tell her boss about how she got an expensive laptop stolen that she technically wasn’t supposed to bring home. Charlie was preparing to hand over the things in exchange for her life, but before she could, the knife to her throat seemed to vanish. Along with the attacker from her sight.

It was dark that night an the alley she was standing in didn’t provide enough light to see the face of the person who attacked her. That’s probably why he chose this place to pick his victim. But it seemed the man never thought to consider that someone heard Charlie’s distant screams that only lasted for a second, but alerted a heroic bystander. The person who saved her life was wearing a red sweatshirt with the hood covering half of his face, but that didn't stop him from kicking the mugger's ass like he was straight out of an action movie.

From what Charlie could see in the street light just a few feet down the sidewalk, it seemed that the stranger was winning the fight. But the mugger had a defense of attack that he used against her before. He shoved the blade of the knife into the stranger's shoulder when least expected, and threw a punch as a last ditch effort to get away. That night Charlie had her first experience of danger while living in the city, and how she learned her best friend since her sophomore year of high school was the Red Hood. Back when he was running around the city in a sweatshirt without a real purpose of what he was going, and without the proper gear to defend himself.

Dean tried to get away that night and bad to safety before she could find out his secret, his worst fear if she discovered his secret would be that she’d freak out. But he never made it only a few feet before falling to the ground from the pain. Charlie helped him back, but somehow, she convinced him to go to the hospital and report the robbery. Mostly because it would explain how she got a thousand dollar laptop smashed and his stab wound would be properly treated. When everyone found out what happened, all of you rushed to the hospital.

“Chicks dig the wounded hero.” Charlie said to the older Winchester while they were in the emergency room after you explained to a nurse how Dean got stabbed and a busted up lip. She was half joking, half serious and ushering the man to use this opportunity to his advantage.

Charlie knew about you and Dean having feelings for one another long as she knew you back in high school. She might like girls, but she knew well enough about how crushes worked. And no matter who you were trying to impress, a life threatening danger was the perfect chance to get closer. Dorothy Baum, the woman that the redhead had been dating for a few months, was all over her in a panicked frenzy when she got the news about the attack. The happy couple had been together ever since then and still going strong.

You were overwhelmed with panic when you got to the hospital after you were told that not only was Charlie almost mugged, but Dean had been there and saved the day. You were in near tears as you embraced Charlie into a tight hug as you thanked your lucky stars that the only thing that happened to her was a broken laptop. You reassured her that if her dick of a boss was going to give her any trouble you'd march down there and kick his ass. But it was Dean that had made you a nervous wreck on the drive down to the hospital.

Seeing him stitched up with and bandaged made your heart skip a few times over in your chest. And you knew you shouldn't have, but you squeezed him hard as you could, burying your face into his neck as you told him what an idiot he was. But the smile on your face when you pulled away was a look that made him realize that you were proud of him for what he did. You were at his side every single day while he recuperate, making sure he followed the doctor’s orders of not lifting too much and cleaning his wounds properly. You honestly did consider Dean a hero after what he did in order to save Charlie’s life. But you would have never guessed he did it for others. And he wondered if you would have felt the same way if you learned the truth.

Charlie never breathed the word of what really happened to either Bobby or their friends. Because he saved her life, Charlie felt she owed him hers. But the woman had questions she asked him in privacy when the situation died down and he started to heal. Mostly of how long he'd been doing this, why he started and all of those kind of things to ease her curious mind. And out of the blue, when she gathered the courage, she asked him if she could help him on the side. So he offered her a job to not only work cases with him, but to help use that big brain of hers to hack into things that he couldn't. She agreed without hesitance.

The both of them got planning on how Dean could become a better vigilante and not risk the chance of him getting hurt and bleeding to death. And that’s how Dean got to where he was today. Thanks to a nerdy cosplayer and her extensive knowledge of the right people to help them make a badass outfit that would help keep Dean safe if someone tried to attack him. Not to mention a few nifty gadgets that helped him find a cry for help or a crime to stop.

Dean knew the comic books that he used to read every chance he could get as a kid, mostly underneath the covers with a flashlight when his father thought he was sleeping, and superhero movies he watched were a work of fiction. He wasn't bitten by a radioactive spider. He wasn't from a different planet and he didn't have billions of dollars as his disposal. (Much as he'd like that.) He was just some guy wanting to make the world a better place. And then Dean realized that he was sort of like Superman in a way. He lived a double life and nobody knew. If Dean was Clark Kent, you were his Lois Lane.

+ + +

For long as you could remember you’ve always wanted to be a journalist. There was something about uncovering the truth and putting it out there for the world to see that drove your passion. And you’ve been writing for long as you could hold a pencil. Your parents had countless pictures and home videos of you conducting interviews with relatives, along with every single school newspaper you had been apart of since middle school. Maybe the reason why you were so driven was because your father was a police officer. And he always told you that honesty was the way to go. Because you knew that then things started to make a little more sense.

It was confession that put people behind bars and let the guilt of the crime they commited to lessen, the evidence that put the pieces together. Without factual proof all you had was an opinion, a speculation on what might have happened. And there was enough of that going around in this day and age. You liked the old fashion journalism where you put effort and time in your writing to give the people the whole truth and nothing but. And that's how you did things since you got your job at the Daily Insider. Well...until the Red Hood came about. The mention of his name made you want to throw all your morals out the window.

You didn’t know who your real parents were, it was a miracle you were alive from how Bobby found you. He never went into details about what happened, he just told you that your biological parents were killed before you were born, and it was one look at your infant face that made him and his wife, Karen, to adopt you as raise you as their own child. They had done just that since you were only a few days old and took you home from the hospital. You never looked deeper into what happened to your parents because it wasn’t your business. They got the justice they deserved, and even if they didn’t, it wasn’t in your control to try and make it happen.

All you knew that life sucks. Sometimes people got justice for doing the crime, and sometimes they got away without a single headline to draw attention. It meant that the law didn’t belong into someone’s hands. Much as you would love to give people the justice they deserved by knocking their lights out or trashing their name in the paper, you couldn't. You had to be like everyone else and hope that justice got served like how you wanted. Sometimes it was, sometimes you had to hope and pray to God that He would give them the rightful punishment after death.

You rolled out of bed a little after noontime, feeling more rested than you had after you dragged yourself back into your apartment after running around for the past four hours with little sleep. You fell right into bed without changing your clothes. And you still didn't when you rubbed the crust from your eyes and fixed yourself a cup of coffee to make yourself feeling more focused. You still had an article to write that was due by tomorrow morning. And the topic of the story wasn’t just about a serious bust where four men got arrested on kidnapping charges. No, that might have sold some papers, but that’s not what the city wanted to hear about.

It was about the person those girls had swore up and down who saved them that night and put those men behind bars. And your editor, Gabriel, wanted you to write about. The Red Hood strikes again to do another good deed. You hated yourself just thinking about it. But if you did agree to this, then you got the front page. Cas’ picture would be all over thousands of copies. You swallowed what pride you had and agreed to tweak the story to include the vigilante.

You clicked on the top of your pen as a small smirk began to spread across your lips when the brilliant thought hit you. The Red Hood would get his fifteen minutes more of fame and the city could applause him for his good deed. Even you had to admit this was a win for the city and the police department. But to you this was still a crime, and you were going to expose this man for who he was. Because if there was anything you liked better than an investigative story, was ruining someone's life and seeing justice serve like they deserved.

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[haikyuu-imagines-and-others]

OC Snippet

Tbh.. I haven’t even introduced Caine at his worst... so this will be a nice soft starting point... - Admin Satori <3

Caine Temple

The house was silent, save for the hum of the AC running, save for the sound of a leaky pipe somewhere in the walls. A leaky pipe Caine already knew about - had known about for a couple weeks now.

Everything had just gotten so insane around him, the leaky pipe had gone ignored, and he was sure it was causing horrible wreckage in his house - in the walls. So many things had gotten in the way of his taking care of it, though. He’d been arrested - had spent a few weeks in jail. Only to then be recruited by the same bastards that had thrown him in there.

A Narc. That’s what he was now. Someone who tattled on the bad guys because he knew all the telltale signs of bad guys - he knew all the routes, all the tricks… All the names. The shame of being put under the spotlight, of giving away all his known information for a pretty paycheck and no jail time… It wasn’t that bad, if he were being honest.

But he had his pride. And it had shattered the moment he’d been thrown behind bars only to resurface when the police had pulled them into their ranks. Above officers who’d worked years to get where they were.

And Caine got there by committing a few terrible crimes and making a deal?

Being someones enemy definitely had its ego trips - Caine was thought about, hated, even targeted because of what he’d done, where he was now in life, how well he was doing when he should be rotting in jail.

He’d never been more happy in his life.

The door to his study was cracked just the slightest, it was late, and yet even with his Work In Progress cases spread out before him… his mind wandered to Keilani.

His Wife?

The word for what she was to him… didn’t sound nearly enough for what she really was to him. A wife. Sure that’s an important title, one to be fawned and chased after - something important to anyone who holds it, he was positive. Especially for a Temple woman. Taming the boys, he and Sam, hadn’t been the easiest feat - so giving the special ladies that had that title was the least they could do.

Keilani had literally pulled Caine from his personal hell so many times… He was sure he owed her more than just the title of his wife… Even the way they had gone about making her his wife hadn’t been justice to what she deserved.

She deserved a big wedding, with all her family and friends, with all her wishes and dreams coming true - even if it was soured by Caine being at the end of the walkway and not her prince charming….

What she got instead, Caine felt a sickness to his stomach at the memory, was a run down pit stop wedding - after they’d had a child who then played the ring bearer in that wedding. Sam of course had been best man, and he would be in every scenario that played out, but… Caine knew she deserved much better than what he’d given her.

But what else could he have done? He sure had the money for her dreams, but it wasn’t his to spend. He’d been on the run. A grand wedding would have set off all the alarms, put a huge red arrow over his head for the police to find - he might as well had just walked into the station to give himself up…

So she got trash because he was the same.

That’s why he was up this late, wasn’t it? To make it up to her? To show her he wasn’t going to let her down again?

If he did, it’d be only the 30th+ time he had let her down. The first being when they first met - how he threatened her life for simply bumping into him…. The more recent being their sad excuse of a wedding….

The biggest example of his being trash to her… was when he denied his parental rights - denied their child the chance to have a father in their life.

Denied his son the chance at a happier childhood than he, himself, had had.

Vicious Circle started its cycle once more as soon as his son had opened his eyes to this world - to Caine looking down at him in disdain. The end of his life, is how Caine had seen their son, Elijah, for the first couple years of the boys life. A burden to take care of. A liability to his business.

Quiet padding had Caine looking up from the papers on his desk - not that he was actually looking at them. They were there, and he was staring, but his mind was deep in his own self hatred. But when his eyes met a pair of identical emerald green, Caine’s shoulders relaxed, and a deep breath he hadn’t known he’d been holding escaped him.

“Hey, kid.” Elijah, who Caine wracked his brain to remember was 5, stared up at him silently - but his eyes held his question, asked it loud and clear for Caine to see. “Bad dream, huh? Got your teddy?” The boy held up his closed fist to show his favorite teddy bear in hand, he came prepared. “Mommy’s in bed, go on and lay with her, okay?”

But Elijah didn’t move, his light brown eyebrows furrowing in confusion before he was stepping closer to his father. Caine felt an uncomfortable front push through his body, he wasn’t used to being a father… He wasn’t used to being a role model… He wasn’t used to something so small and fragile being so very close to his chaotic forces. Yet….

Elijah showed no fear as he stood at his father’s leg, resting his teddy on his fathers thigh as he stared up at him expectantly. No room for questions or arguments. He wanted to be with his father in this moment.

Caine swallowed thickly before biting the inside of his cheek. It irritated him just the slightest whenever something smaller, weaker, than him wouldn’t listen to his orders. His direction. That’s what kids were supposed to do, right? Listen to their parents? To their elders?

Though, Caine thought, he had little room to be throwing his authority around. He’d barely come back into Elijah’s life a year ago - the boy probably had more power in the house than Caine did at the moment. A small hand patted Caine’s thigh, making the man heave a sigh before pulling the boy to sit on his lap.

“Just don’t squirm, alright? I have work to do still…” Elijah smiled contently as he leaned back against his father’s chest, finding comfort in the large forearm that wrapped around his middle and held him steady. Elijah pulled his teddy bear closer to him, closing his eyes with a smile on his lips. When he started to sway on his father’s lap, Caine held him closer to his chest - not daring to let his boy go toppling to the floor. “Just a little longer, alright? Then we can go back to bed with Mommy.”

Silence enveloped the room as the two of them sat there - Caine’s attention now focused on the paperwork in front of him, pulling details together, fitting pieces of the puzzle together that were so far apart before. Elijah… Little Elijah resting his head against his fathers chest, eyes closed, serene smile pulling his lips upwards. One hand held his teddy close to him while the other rested on his father’s forearm keeping him in place. Safety. Reassurance. Both flowed through the two of them, connecting their hearts in the simplest of ways.

It was only when the pictures started to look the same and when the words started to blur together that Caine realized how late it really was - how long he’d been up for and how his entire body felt heavy with exhaustion. It was only then that he came back to the present and noticed a gentle rubbing on his arm, a small warm hand rubbing calmly against his skin. It soothed his exhaustion just the slightest, but piqued his curiosity.

Bright green eyes stared down at where Elijah was half asleep on his fathers lap, his little hand rubbing up and down on his fathers arm - something Keilani did when Caine was getting a bit too out of control. A reminder that he needed to calm down and come back to reality. A tick, he was sure, Elijah had picked up from her - his eyes saw all… All of the kids eyes saw all, Caine noticed. How many times had Maia gotten upset with him because Chloe or Cole had said a single curse word? Or how Caine would get in trouble for Cole running rampant through the house and breaking everything in his way?

Children were sponges when it came to adults behavior.

Caine was just relieved Elijah had picked up on Keilani’s gentle tones…. And not his chaotic ones.

Instinctively, Caine held the boy closer, a need to protect this innocent child rising above all else - to be the father he never had and offer this boy, his boy, all the best opportunities life had to offer.

Elijah’s eyes opened, sleep making his vision a bit blurry, but he stared up at his father nonetheless with a wobbly smile - a father’s love was new to him. He was used to his mothers hugs and kisses, was used to her holding him close and dousing him in her affection… But he’d never really gotten this close to Caine, an internal fear always keeping him a safe distance away.

But here he was, curled in Caine’s arm, feeling warm and safe.

“Daddy…” A lump formed in Caine’s throat as Elijah called for his attention, “I’m sleepy….”

The need to continue his work cried out as Caine stood up without a second request from the boy, pulling his small body to rest more on his hip. Elijah, without a moments hesitance, laid his head on his father’s shoulder, his arms wrapping around his neck - his teddy snuggled in the space just under Caine’s jaw. “Yeah… Me too, kid…. Let’s get some sleep.”

A click of the lamp and the room grew dark all at once - the only light coming from the faint glow of the moon outside the curtained window.

[sebbytrash]

Through His Eyes - Part Two

Summary - Bucky arrives at the compound to start afresh but you and him have a somewhat colorful past, colorful being that you met him once before as The Winter Soldier and it did not go well. New beginnings, yeah? If you can learn to forgive.

Pairing - Eventual Bucky x Reader

Warnings - Nightmare, mentions of blood and torture, a mega ton of guilt and sad stuff guys. A N G S T 

A/N -  I need to do this justice guys, it’s my baby.  Feedback loved and appreciated  Please love me, I haven’t written in forever.

Through His Eyes Masterlist

The next hour is spent eating and laughing with Steve, some of the tension ebbing away whilst he recounted all the ways Sam got rejected when they were at Tony’s party a few days before. Poor guy unintentionally hit on some guys wife and it did not go well. After clearing away the plates and containers, Steve hugs you again and decides to head off to bed.

“Y/N...I just-” Steve stops at the door, suddenly serious again, “You know it wasn’t him right? Not really?”

You hesitate a little, testing out the weight of it, caught between wanting to please him and not wanting to like. Was it something you had accepted. “I know Steve.” Maybe. Did it matter?

“It haunts him, you know? Especially at night.” He smiles wearily, the strain of today written all over his face for the first time, leaves you to feel the weight of his words.

It wasn't something you had considered, not fundamentally. Maybe you’d thought he somehow moved on, never dwelled on the things he done. Maybe you simply didn't care, too caught up in how it affected you and his other victims, but still, now you were thinking. Conflicting emotions wrapping around your heart, crudely cut joy, guilt, pain and maybe a little...empathy. Wrapping tighter and tighter till you weren't sure which was strongest.

Shit.

It’s long past midnight and you're still awake, lying in your bed staring up the ceiling like it contains the answers to all of life's problems, the answers to nothing and something, and everything in between. Today had been a lot to process, seeing Bucky for the first time since...well, then, seeing not the soldier but the man. Seems he was all duct tape and glue like you, the brutal reality a stark contrast to the man you imagined, a far cry from the dead eyes and blank stares of before. Steve’s words loop around, caught between memories and nightmares and a new feeling that's here, scratching at the surface of your fortified heart.

Guilt.

That’s the point isn't it? You're supposed to forgive him now, supposed to understand the why and forget the how. Logical, practical...human. If only it were that simple.

Now, what do I do with this?

“Shit.” Muffled and low, a voice sounds outside your door. Your hands automatically reach for you gun, tucked under your pillow and wedged between the mattress and bed frame. Bob. Most reliable friend you’d ever had.

There’s someone there, hovering outside your door...are they pacing? Yep, distinct sound of threads being worn away and thoughts turning over. Less concerned for your safety and more curious and sort of annoyed now, you hoist yourself into a sitting position, roll your neck a few times, muscles gone stiff at the strenuous ceiling staring and finally find your feet. You swing the door open in one fast, fluid motion stunning your guest and in turn yourself.

Bucky.

Thoughts liquify, stunned to the point you forget to be afraid, that you should be.

“Shit, did I wake you?” He asks, voice ragged and guilty heavy, “I just- I had to say… I shouldn’t have come here. This was fucking selfish.” He runs a heavy hand down his face, gripping at his jaw so hard it had to hurt.

You're still standing there, slack jawed and blinking stupidly, it would be funny if you could muster enough coherence to recognise it but he doesn’t seem to notice, or mind, and you can tell he’s mentally berating himself. His eyes say much more than he seems to be managing with his mouth. He steps towards you and the motion jolts you, makes you take an involuntary step back but finally clearing the fog a little.

Noting your movement he stills, lowers his hands to his side and looks at you right in the eye for the second time today, lets you see the pure agony in them, “I just had to say it, Y/N, I’m so sorry for what I... if I could take it all back I would. I had to at least say it.” He holds your gaze a second longer before turning and disappearing down the hall. You watch him retreat, wondering how you got to the point where you might even feel sorry for him? Like a smidge.

Despite that, it's a while before your breathing returns to normal, before you heart stops trying to escape from your chest. It takes even longer for the tears to dry.  

“You look like shit.” You do, it's no surprise really that Sam would point it out after 0.5 of a second. Shithead.

“Bite me, Birdboy.” You flick a piece of cereal at him, dry since there was no milk. Tony was gonna be pissed.

“Out of milk again?” You nod, tipping the rest of the bowl into your mouth, “Momma Stark is gonna lose his shit.”

“I have a plammphf…” You say around the mouthful of cereal earning you a look.

“You’re disgusting.” Sam says, prompting you to show him the entire contents of your mouth as punishment. He wanted disgusting after all, “God, you’ve been hanging around why guys too much.” You shrug, he’s probably right, and finish your mouthful.

“Anyways, I have a plan.”

“Oh, yeah?”

“Yup. I don't plan on being here when Mrs Doubtfire wakes up.”

“Not much of a plan is it?”

“All I got dude.” He rolls his eyes and flops into the chair next to you, his own bowl of dry cereal in his hand.

“Hey.” He says, softer this time, leans in a little “you good?”

“Yeah, I’m good Sam. Promise.”

Sam hangs around most of the day, you suspect he’s keeping an eye on you but say nothing, honestly just grateful for the company. You eat, you watch movies, all in it's a good day. Yet, you can’t stop glancing at the door, wondering if he’ll appear, wondering what you’ll do. Decisions, reactions.

“Hey kid, you doing okay?” Sam asks, nods towards the door like he’s seen every glance.

You sigh, “Yeah, I am. I’m trying to be.” He raises his eyebrows at this, silently questioning, “I want to get passed this, forgive and forget.”

“Oh, yeah? For Steve or for you?” He tries to stay neutral, but you hear it anyway.

“Both, I guess?” You reply, chewing on your bottom lip, “I want to, just, not sure if I can.”

“You can, if that’s what you want. Just gonna take some time, kid. You deserve time.”

Around 5pm, Sam gets called out on a last minute mission, nothing too drastic but Redwing was needed and so Sam goes too. You stay in the lounge, adamant you can finish the full season of Stranger Things before you go to bed and somewhere along the way you fall asleep.

Dead eyes. Dead eyes.

The smell of blood is overwhelming, blood and sweat, stuck to you, drowning you. He’s here, like always, walking closer and closer. You blink a few times, trying to clear the haze, trying to see his face but it’s blurry. It’s never blurry.

The knife is clear.

He's in front of you now, face blurry except those dead eyes, drawing up his full size as he begins his slow patterns on your arm, starts at the bottom, twists and turns the blade as your scream in agony, the sounds of knife tearing flesh somehow louder. He stops, you look. A. The screaming starts again. And again.

“Y/N, Y/N wake up, it’s a dream.”

You jerk away from the cold touch on your arm, press yourself back against the couch like you can disappear into it. Figures it would be him, kneeling on the floor in front of you.

“M’sorry. Seemed like you should wake up.” Bucky says, eyeing you warily and sitting back on his haunches, maybe making himself a little smaller. You say nothing, mind still recovering from the nightmare and struggling to reconcile that Bucky with this one, the one with kind eyes and not dead.

“You said my name.” He whispers, like he wants to know but want’s to not.

“Yeah well, you had a starring role.” You say back, voice breaking a little at the end and putting a little heat in the tone.

He nods again, face aiming for detached and falling somewhere short in agony. Climbs to his feet, and goes to leave, turns a little ways back and stills, “You star in mines too.”

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[yasib25]

Cut the Bullsh#T GH!!!

You know when GH had to recast Jason I was NOT happy about it. When i saw it was to be Billy Miller i softened a little but i found my self comparing him to Steve (Steve wouldn’t do that, or he wouldn’t say it like that and so on and so on) I found the way Billy did things to be out of Character for Jason. Steve set the mark for Jason, and while Billy excelled in some aspect of the role, i found he fell short in others (my opinion.) But then i started to embrace the changes Billy made to the character. Its always the little things that i love, the way Jason speaks to Sam in that soft caressing tone or the way he looks at her, I loved the way Steve did that. But I started to embrace the new level of fun and lightness that Billy brought and i especially love how he is all about his family, Sam his kids, how he was not about to do anything to endanger.

But lately Gh is slowly but surely taking them down the rabbit hole, they’re using Morgan’s death to set Jason down this old path. They built our hopes up about new and improved Jason who is all about his wife and kids and wants nothing to do with the mob and while he’s maintained a line we all know that in there business its very easy for the lines to get blurred. It only takes picking up a gun and shooting the wrong person in self defense. Remember the whole Manny situation? His brother died in self defense and before you knew it he was obsessed with Sam and Jason and that dragged on forever. Over the years Gh hasn’t been very kind to Jasam in the whole romance department. Jason was always off minding sonny’s business, he forgot birthdays, he had to work on valentines day, I mean there were good times too, and i don’t mean when he paid Molly and Christina to decorate. I mean when he took her tree shopping and she bought that half dead tree, or when he tried to decorate the restaurant and cook Sam dinner. Maxie did help him in the end cause his decorations were pitiful but its up there on my list because he made the effort himself and it was from a time that was significant to the both of them. I started to see more of that part of Jason when Billy took over the role and i LOVED it, he remembered her favourite dish from the Chinese restaurant, he remembered there anniversary and was all gamed to celebrate both of them. Now he’s fallen right back into old patterns, he missed their doctor’s appointment, well he was late and i bet we won’t see anything of them on Valentines day because Jason will be too busy chasing down leads.

But you know what Morgan is Dead, and yes that sucks but making it to the doctor’s appointment for you baby on time or wooing your wife on valentines day is not gonna make things worst, things can’t get any worst than dead. I’m all for Jason helping his friends find peace and justice but i don’t want him to neglect his family in the process. He needs to find a balance. They’ve set some trap for Julian and Sam is supposed to go in a safe but she is so worried for Jason, so scared she’ll lose him again that she’s not even thinking about her safety.

When she heard that there might be complications with the baby’s heart rate many people thought she didn’t have the right reaction but the way she acted was well within character. Sam like’s to play tough and act hard and she was terrified, but she was not about to let Jason get distracted by that, so she diverted her attention to the case just so she could distract herself and so he wouldn’t see the fear in her eyes. Sam is not fearless anymore when it comes to Jason, she no longer see’s him as invincible, She lost him once and now that she has him back she is not about to do anything to risk losing him again not in the slightest. So she didn’t let him see how scared she was, and she wouldn’t go to the safe house outta fear of raising a red flag and have this woman with no face come after her husband. Jasam decided they wouldn’t make the same mistake they made with Danny with this baby, but it seems to me they are well on their way to making new ones, I don’t want to see Sam so caught up in keeping Jason safe that she’d put herself in harms way and i don’t want to see Jason so caught up that he misses out on anything concerning the baby. He missed everything with Danny, Don’t wanna see him miss anything with this one, I wanna see a lot of over compensating. GET IT TOGETHER GH!!!